Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Struggling but Surviving

It's my new motto.... because I'm struggling. All in all the last 3 days haven't been terrible but I can't say I've enjoyed them. The good news is that the little lady seems completely unphased. Day 1 was hard. There were tears when Larry left the house... when I left the house... when I became reacquainted with I-95 traffic... when I got to my desk... when I called home... when I called home again...... :( I busted my ass to get home to see Emma and she was sleeping. And proceeded to sleep for another 75 minutes. Needless to say, there were no tears on her part. And on the second day when she was totally unintersted in me feeding her her morning bottle because she only wanted to smile at my mom, I took it as a sign to leave. I know she's already enjoying her special time with her G-ma and I'm also quite sure the feeling is mutual.

First day welcome home love notes... found atop a sleeping baby

Today was the first day of daycare and it started out like a shit-show. As much as I prepped the night before (made bottles, picked out an outfit, packed everything up), nothing went as planned in the morning. I heard Emma yack all over herself precisely as I backed out of the driveway. When we got to daycare she was soaked (and her carseat - hello first mid-week laundry emergency!). Her bottles had leaked in the car as well so it was a wet morning all around. I was so frazzled about these events that I was surprisingly OK leaving her off, a quick hug from Larry and it was on with Day 3. I only called in once mid-morning to check on her and she was doing great. It made me smile when the teachers were letting me know that they were discovering her little quirks... yes she loves laying on the changing table and smiling... yes she ALWAYS has the hiccups... and yes unfortunately for you, she is a farting machine. Pick-up was uneventful, she didn't seem that interested in seeing me and was asleep in her carseat before I pulled out of the parking lot.

my new 9-5 view

I think I can honestly say that it's already easier to be without her (although this does shock me alot). What I'm really struggling with is turning my brain back from baby to corporate. My coworkers have been nothing short of wonderful but when I sit at my computer, I'm just in a fog. Simple tasks that I could have done in my sleep 3 months ago give me an anxiety attack at the thought of starting. My very sweet boss let me know today that I may never be at my 100% working ability again and that is OK, we should just aim for as much as I can get to. I know it will take time but it's frustrating and overwhelming.

love my co-workers!

Thank you so much to the many sweet words of encouragement from friends and family. Little messages helped me get through the first few minutes, hours and days and I am always so grateful for the love. Already looking forward to the weekend and holiday next week for some much needed qt with my little family unit of 3 :)

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